Up late last night.

I couldn't sleep last night, I thought about blogging something on my phone, but two thumbs go way too slow, for my brain, and my brain late at night isn't all that fast, so that should clue you in to how slow I can text.

I am really struggling with these last five pounds, I get close to 220, then I bounce back up to 222, it really stinks, I can't seem to get past this hump, during my reunion I let it all loose, didn't work out enough and got up to 232, so I guess it is amazing I am back down to 222, but still, if I had stayed good maybe I would be under that. Why is my body and mind doing this to me?

Why am I fighting this so hard, like today is friday, the store where I shop has the best fried fish on fridays, I really shouldn't eat it, but right now my mouth is drooling just thinking about it. I just want to buy a pound and eat it all, with tartar sauce dripping down my chin.

Why do I think like this, why aren't I geared towards hitting my goal, denying myself to reach it? Why am I fighting it, why do I go off the deep end on weekends? Why can't I find the will power to stay healthy. all week long, thursday night rolls around and I am making bread pudding with butter and syrup?

I know I have been like this with other weights in the past, 240 was awful, I mean awful, it was over christmas time, what a mess. So I know I can get past this one as well, I just wish it wasn't such a struggle.

I also went back and read some of my past post, I gotta say, I am pretty funny, I forgot some of what I wrote, but then again it was over two years ago. I think I have come much further, I have gained more insight, and I know I have so much further to go. But at least I going, I am trying to move forward, even if it is only as fast as honey on a cold winter day. It is still something, maybe one of these days my stove will get turned on and my honey will just flow, and run like the dickens.(I did have the word ooze in there, but that sounds pretty gross, not a thought I want before I go shopping, things oozing, good things don't ooze, wounds ooze, poop oozes, not yummy stuff like honey, or whip cream)

So stay with me, all you regulars, from far off places like France and Ireland, Russia and Thailand, unless you just read me to make fun of fat lazy Americans, if that is the case, then screw you buddy, and go watch Jersey Shore and feel superior over those drunks, and leave this stay at home mom alone. Everyone else, enjoy the ride and have a nice day.

Watch out fried fish here I come.