Venting...(warning, graphic poop talk)

So I am bugged by something I saw on my facebook feed, a post that my teenage son commented on. I wish I hadn't seen it, because it leaves me bugged and pissed off, and without a clue on how to handle it. One of his so called friends, suggested they should poop in my son's mouth. It is gross to say the least. But my son is an adult now, which is weird for me to say, and even weirder for me to accept. I have no idea if this other child is an adult or not, because whether he is 18 or not, he is still a immature child.

So how would you handle this? Part of me wants to go find the punk and punch him, but the rational side says that would be way out of line and uncalled for and totally not worth it in the end. Part wants to post a remark, full of snark and embarrassment, but that can lead to more back and forth than I want. Another part says relax momma bear, your son can handle this on his own. In reality, that is what will happen, I may mention it to my son, but I may not. All depends on the moment.

I guess I just need to realize I can't control the world, nor what idiots will say. But I can control how I react to it, that is why I am on my blog venting, because my son won't see it, and no one else he knows will see it, unless he has friends in Ireland or Thailand that I don't know about.

Why does trash like this have to come along and throw a wrench into my day when all I can do about it is wish I hadn't seen it, and pray it is just a really dumb thought by someone that has so much more in life to figure out.

Sorry to bring poop up into your fine day. I hope your day is much more enjoyable.

I am still running, still working out, still trying hard, but I am still not to 217 either, so keep me in your thoughts, maybe a few positive thoughts sent my way will really help. Either that or send some fat erasing fairies my way, that would be awesome. Keep up the hard work.

I really am doing myself in, really.

I have had some really bad events happen in my life recently, which as increased my stress levels, which decreases my will power and invites in all sorts of negative thoughts, "give in", "eat it, you will love feeling stuffed", "no one can do this, give up", "you stink and have bad breath", "even if you lost weight, your hubs won't want you", "make yummy food, full of fat, you will love it", "cheese is your friend". 

No cheese isn't my friend, neither is bacon, nor chocolate. But they aren't the enemy either, what is the enemy is my own brain. My own self is stopping me, you can't move forward in life if you constantly fill your brain with negativity. But how do you stop all that negativity? How do you tell your self to shut the fuck up?

Sorry for the language, it is just where my head is.

I gained way too much weight this last weekend, and I am kicking myself, because these are pounds I have to lose all over again, which sucks, I could be under 200, I bet if I wasn't gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. Which makes me even more upset and stressed, which causes me to reach for the extra slice of pie. "Piiiiiiieeeeee....."

I wish I had a cheerleader, someone who could make me feel worth it. I guess in a way I do, but I don't always rely on them, I am not an overtly religious person, I mean I am, but I don't like preaching it, and showing it off. But maybe I should try to rely on the lord more. And not be ashamed of it. Not hide it. If my talking about my love for the lord turns people off so be it. There is plenty that others do that turn me off, i.e. twerking, not even sure if that is spelled right, but please girls knock that crap off, no one wants to have a butt waving in their face, except creepy gross men, which you really don't want in your life, unless you have daddy issues, and if that is the case, get some help and put the ass down.

I guess I need to knuckle down and start saying I am worth it, whether I believe it or not at this point, because a point will come where I do believe it. If I can believe all the negative things, then surly I can believe the positive as well. Wish me luck, or in other words pray for me, or just go twerk, you messed up little girl.

Up late last night.

I couldn't sleep last night, I thought about blogging something on my phone, but two thumbs go way too slow, for my brain, and my brain late at night isn't all that fast, so that should clue you in to how slow I can text.

I am really struggling with these last five pounds, I get close to 220, then I bounce back up to 222, it really stinks, I can't seem to get past this hump, during my reunion I let it all loose, didn't work out enough and got up to 232, so I guess it is amazing I am back down to 222, but still, if I had stayed good maybe I would be under that. Why is my body and mind doing this to me?

Why am I fighting this so hard, like today is friday, the store where I shop has the best fried fish on fridays, I really shouldn't eat it, but right now my mouth is drooling just thinking about it. I just want to buy a pound and eat it all, with tartar sauce dripping down my chin.

Why do I think like this, why aren't I geared towards hitting my goal, denying myself to reach it? Why am I fighting it, why do I go off the deep end on weekends? Why can't I find the will power to stay healthy. all week long, thursday night rolls around and I am making bread pudding with butter and syrup?

I know I have been like this with other weights in the past, 240 was awful, I mean awful, it was over christmas time, what a mess. So I know I can get past this one as well, I just wish it wasn't such a struggle.

I also went back and read some of my past post, I gotta say, I am pretty funny, I forgot some of what I wrote, but then again it was over two years ago. I think I have come much further, I have gained more insight, and I know I have so much further to go. But at least I going, I am trying to move forward, even if it is only as fast as honey on a cold winter day. It is still something, maybe one of these days my stove will get turned on and my honey will just flow, and run like the dickens.(I did have the word ooze in there, but that sounds pretty gross, not a thought I want before I go shopping, things oozing, good things don't ooze, wounds ooze, poop oozes, not yummy stuff like honey, or whip cream)

So stay with me, all you regulars, from far off places like France and Ireland, Russia and Thailand, unless you just read me to make fun of fat lazy Americans, if that is the case, then screw you buddy, and go watch Jersey Shore and feel superior over those drunks, and leave this stay at home mom alone. Everyone else, enjoy the ride and have a nice day.

Watch out fried fish here I come.

Super yummy dipping sauce!

I whipped up this sauce for lunch today, I wanted something different from ranch or bar b que sauce. It is equal parts nonfat plain Greek yogurt, fat free zesty Italian dressing and about a teaspoon of mustard. 
It was super yummy with panko breaded chicken strips.
I left out sweetern but honey or sugar would be a nice touch.
It would taste fanatic on fish or fries.
If it is too runny for you add more Greek yogurt.

You can also spice it up with pepper flakes, or hot sauce.
Enjoy!

Yeah it been a while, sorry.

My last post I said I would post once I lost those dang 5 pounds, well it still hasn't happened, and I can't avoid it, I got to face the truth head on. So here is a new post, at the same weight, and it is about marriage, enjoy!

One thing I have learned while being married is that while it is about getting to know someone you love, it is also about getting to know yourself, more than you ever thought possible.

Because whether you like it or not, your spouse will pick up on your habits, good and bad ones. And your spouse will have a very canny way of showing you your true self, how much of a slob you are, how well you listen, or what is truly important to you.

So before you get married realize a good strong marriage has to survive two people getting to know themselves and liking who they have become, and still loving each other through it all. I have learned and accepted many things about myself, and I know I have a many more to learn, and so does my spouse.

I just don't think people really appreciate this notion before marriage, nor understand it. And once you begin to realize it, you make a choice to keep at it, and become more self aware, or you throw in the towel and deem it too hard, or not worth while, or you really learn your true nature and your spouses true nature and decide you no longer want to be a couple.

Then you have to learn a whole new lesson about grief and loss.

Just a few thoughts I have had this weekend, thanks for reading.

So close, yet so far.

So I am roughly 5 pounds away from losing a total of 50 pounds, it seems so weird, and sorta unreal. I am not even sure if it is true. Maybe this is all one long dream, but if it was a dream, I wouldn't need to lose weight, (I would hope I would be a hot sexy babe in my dreams).

I am pretty excited, but I also know it is a long ways from my goal, another 50 pounds worth. I know how much work the first 50 was, I can only imagine the next 50 will be even harder. But I really want it, and I know what works. eating next to nothing, and the nothing you do eat is all healthy, I am aiming for less the 1,400 a day, that is a little, and I really should eat a little less than that. I use an app to help me track my calories and it can get pretty sad at times, just how many calories can be in things, even healthy things, like lean protein, or brown rice. And all those healthy fats, sure they are "good" for you, but they are still fats, still loaded with calories, like ground almond butter, I used two table spoons on some celery for a snack today, that was 180 calories right there, (190 if you add the celery). talk about suck a duck.

But at least the scale is moving down, I can wear all sorts of clothes that had been packed away for years and years. I have lots of clothes I need to take in, or pass along. So that is good, I am also in pretty good shape and I am the most flexible I have ever, ever been. That is pretty neat.

One of the other things that amazes me is just how much water I need to drink. Just when you think you have had enough, you need to double what you just drank.

I guess the point here, is that you just need to keep going, keep eating that whole wheat bread, eat that salad and baked chicken, it does a overweight body some good. Maybe if I am lucky, by the next time I post, I will be half way there. Whohoo!!!  We shall see.

I added a pic of my dinner, about 400 calories of fish and veggies that I steamed.  I couldn't finish it all, just means there are left over calories to add a sweet snack at the end of the day.

Kitchen redoes, upcyling, and repurpose....

Here are some of this things I have around my kitchen that others might find handy, So I thought I would post them.

Like the child locks I love to use, are actually elastic hair bands, wrapped around two door knobs. I love this because one, they aren't expensive. Two, they can be used once the locks aren't needed. Third, you don't need an engineering degree to figure out how to open them. Lastly, they can be in colors that blend in, most people don't even notice them right off. So they are a win, win, in my book. 

Hair band for child lock.

As you can see simple hair band, easy on, easy off, if you are strong enough.

I also love to reuse the unexpected, like the dodads, that hold products together at the big box store, you know when you get three things of ketchup all held together. I just hung it over a door knob and it becomes an instant towel holder. I placed

The dodad off of ketchup, to hold towels.

mine right by the sink, in front of the roll of
paper towels. My hubs loves this because I use
less paper towels this way. Also you can color
code them, red for hands, green for dishes, or
fruit, or what ever you may need to dry off. 

I can't tell you how many paper towels I save using these instead.

I used another dodad, from lemon juice,(I am sure they have an official name, but who has time to look that up?) as a child lock on my food cabinet, it is a little tighter, so again, it is brawn that removes it, not brains. I have one that is from chocolate syrup bottles on another set of doors that sit closer together.

Another child lock from the dodad off of lemon juice.

I also found a bunch of pant hangers in my front closet when I cleaned it out, because I saw this awesome idea on Pinterest, I just popped off the clip parts on the ends, and tossed them in a drawer, and any time I need a chip clip, there you go, simple and easy to use, and they stay on super thick rolls of plastic, unlike some clips.

My chip clip, is off a pant hanger.

Added more storage space, from redone tv hutch.

 But one of my favorite redo items has to be my extra storage, I found a old beat up tv hutch at a thrift store and redid it, I painted it green, added bead board and new handles, and it fits right in. I don't think anyone realizes it used to hold a tv. With flat screen tvs all the rage, you can find many like these for super cheap, just think, you can redo one of these for all sorts of storage, like a child's room, or an outdoor patio.

Just get your mind a working, who knows what you might end up with. Like that bread box on the bottom shelf of my hutch, it holds my dogs toys and treats. But you can't tell by looking at it. Also you can't quite tell cause the photo is a bit dark, sorry, but I am stay at home mom, not a paid blogger.

I hope these simple ideas inspire you to look at things differently, and maybe you will find a re-purpose for items you used to toss. You never know what may come in handy.

Sorry I haven't blogged about my life lately, I have been busy sorting my house out, man, I have a lot of junk in a lot of places that makes no sense, but slowly and surely I am getting it all in order. Also my weight loss is going well, slow but well. Sorta happy I am getting more and more lighter.