Well I worked on getting my room cleaner, it took a few hours. I felt really good about it, and as soon as my hubs got home all the good feelings I had were gone. He didn't praise me, or compliment me, he complained because I left a framed piece of art leaning next to his side of the bed. Why do I even bother if all I am going to get is crap, why try to improve? "Hey little lady, who has fallen and can't get up, let me come over and kick you. Really, I am only trying to help you, if I don't let you know what you are doing wrong, how can you get better?"
I have heard of stay at home mom's writing up list of all their jobs, and what a person would get paid for it, and how what we do is priceless. But it isn't praise less. I would love to hear thank you, wow that was great, you did a good job keep it up. How much would that cost? Nothing, but it would go a long way. I guess my self esteem isn't worth the effort. No wonder my mother went crazy. I would to, if it meant a few months off, with out any demands. Heck, I would settle for getting my appendix taken out again, if it meant a night off at the hospital.
I guess this is just another example of how I need to look inside my self to make myself happy. But is that really a fair thing to ask of a wife, and mother, that to find happiness she must rely on herself alone. No one would expect the children, or husband to satisfy all their mental health needs themselves. The world teaches that we are here to build a home, and to build up our children, and support our husbands. And that it is a selfish woman that looks to build herself up first.
Where is the balance? When do I get to make myself feel better guilt free? When do I get to build myself up, and not have someone else demolish it so easily?
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