lunch

Today for lunch I did something I have never done. At least never done with the 2nd.  We didn't have a kitchen table for the longest time, nor did we have a chair for the 2nd to sit in.  Well we picked up a table, and used his Bumbo, and we had lunch together up to the table. He was quite happy, and made a rather nice mess of himself. To add to it, we had the TV off. 

I know that sounds silly to some, but I hate quiet, I hate that there is no background noise.  Maybe it comes from being in a large family, if there is no noise, you are all alone and the house is empty. I feel alone enough that I don't need silence to keep me feeling alone. But it was nice having the tv off for a while. I was able to move around the kitchen taking care of small things while he ate.

He must have been happy. When we finished up, and I cleaned him off, I said it was nap time.  He turned towards me, gave me a kiss and went down easy peasy.  Don't you love it when the baby goes down easy for their nap.

I need to focus on what I want to fix first. I think I will try to be a better mom.  Everyone should benefit from it, much more than they would if I started with how I looked. I am sure my hubs would love it if I started grooming better, but the kids don't care.  Well the 1st might care, only cause he is a teenager, and  he gets embarrassed by me all the time.  But I think working on the mom side will also help my self-esteem, I need something to boost the way I feel about myself.  I struggle with all sorts of negative thoughts, thoughts that don't help anyone. So if I can look back on the day and see improvements, that should help remove some of those self loathing thoughts that occur.  You know those thoughts you get at the end of the day, while you toss and turn trying to sleep, the ones that just don't float away, the ones that sink to the bottom of your brain, and weigh you down. Maybe after the great lunch today, I will have a better nights sleep.