So...not sure what to post, so I guess I will ramble.

I have been trying extra hard this month to lose weight, I upped my workout time, and I am watching what I eat. It isn't easy. Anyone who tries to tell you it is easy, is trying to sell you something. Don't trust them. It takes hard work, very hard work. You have to set priorities and boundaries, and deny yourself, all of which are very hard for most of us to do.

You can tell by the weight, not me.

If they were able to control these, most wouldn't be in the position they are in now, like me. If I could control them, and say no to late night chips and ice cream benders, I wouldn't be struggling now to get healthy again. I am right about 240, and I really want to get to 230, so this month I am pushing myself, but I think I need to push even harder.

Since eating is a huge deal for me, (not so much eating, but loving food, all sorts of yummy food, like Pizza, doughnuts, caramel, cheese dip...)  and I have some many things around me already that I can't eat, (like honey chex, Doritos, chicken nuggets) That controlling my food even more will just break me.

I am thinking I need to watch how much I work out, I have upped it to an hour a day, I might need to make it more, which isn't thrilling me, but the thought of wearing my wedding ring again is thrilling me, I am working towards that goal. But for some dang reason the fat in my fingers just won't go away. Really, like that is the last fat that needs to stick around,
 "hey look at my six pack abs, just ignore my fat hot dog fingers".

Triple Chocolate, this will make sense later.

Yes it is funny that I want my fingers skinny first, but come on, they are so small with so little extra fat there, why can't it go first? I would love my belly to disappear fast also, but that is going to take ages. Ages. I could be down two pants sizes if it wasn't for this stinking belly roll. I know it has gotten less, but it is still way too big.

I know gross, who wants to hear about a fat belly roll, it is is a problem lots of us fatty's have. Maybe I shouldn't call is fatty's maybe I should call us, the unfits.

Maybe instead of talking about the fat roll I can talk about how it hangs down and chafes my skin, even rubs off body hair, would that be better, or just more super grossness? It is just a fact of life, for us unfits that is.

So besides wanting skinny fingers, a smaller belly roll, I also want to get to the point where my legs don't rub together, that is going to take skill, it isn't easy working those muscles, besides using them to open stubborn jar lids, what do you really do with your inner thigh muscles? I am not a wrestler, so I am not using them to squash someones head with them, and I am a married old lady, so I am not working them out with a horizontal limbo partner, at least not much that is.

You go Girl!

I guess Suzanne Somers was right, only the thigh master works those muscles, but I ain't buying another one of those devices, (yeah I said another one, I won't tell you how many I have bought, but it is more than one, and yes, you can feel the burn with one, they do work, if you use them actually for what they are intended for) But I don't need another torture device for my kids to "fight" each other with.

Again, not mine, the dress gives it away.

The next best thing, I guess is searching Pinterest for thigh work outs, I am sure there are dozens, I just need to make sure I don't get sidetracked by triple chocolate cake, a dream wedding photo shoot, and the cutest ways to dress up my laundry room. Really, who has time and money to have a cute folding table? Not this girl, I am way to busy opening jars with my thighs, and chasing two boys around the house that are fighting each other with vacuum accessories.

So....

My hubs is a social worker, and we talk about certain aspects of his job, from time to time, not so much the clients, but in general drug addicts, abusive husbands and depressed housewife's. Last night for some reason we got on the subject of people cheating on their spouses and I expressed a rather extreme view of what I thought of those that cheat. They are dirt bags, bastards, assholes and douches, to put it mildly. I don't get it, why people cheat on others. He told me telling them this would not be an appropriate therapy method. I don't know why not, why shouldn't more people be straight up honest?

"You sir, are a scumbag, and an ass"              Maybe that would wake them up to reality.

No don't get me wrong, if your spouse knows, really knows, and I mean you have talked about it, and you both understand that you have an "open" marriage, than fine I am not talking about you. But if you think you are in one, but it would come a surprise to your spouse, or if you cheat on someone who you think knows and doesn't do anything about it, or someone who does not know and would never guess that you are cheating, you are a dirt bag.

Why not just leave the person, before you start down that path, because you don't respect your spouse, yourself, or our family and friends. An affair never just effects you and your spouse, it effects the community of people around you. If you are to the point where you need something more, tell your spouse, not the bimbo at the office, or the stud at the gym. If you can't open up to your spouse about the failings of your marriage and what adventures your marriage is missing, who is to blame? Only you. Talk to them, open up to them, share what you missing, what you need. Let them try to help you.

I don't get the whole, I want my family, but I love the thrill, or I am not attracted to you, or they disgust me argument, well do them a favor and get your tired, sorry ass, out of their lives. Be honest, lay it out there, and then leave, don't fight them for everything, don't cause more pain, don't mess with people's lives, grow up, and get out, you start fresh, because that is what you wanted in the first place.

You wanted something new and different. Well try being homeless, friendless and family less, with your new flame, Don't spend your families money, don't take time from them, and don't lie to them, just step up, lay it out there, and if you can't work together to make it a new relationship, then tell them first, leave them, then have your mad passionate love afair. NOT before, but AFTER.

Don't they deserve that as well, to know what is wrong, or your reasoning for your unhappiness before and not after?

I mean if you married for money, you can do it again, if you married for looks you can do that again, if you married for love that is lost, that will happen again. But don't be an ass, don't think it is no one else's problem, and don't cheat. Have more respect for your self and others around you. If you can't keep it in your pants, then don't get married.

I would much rather have my husband leave me, then have him cheat on me, I don't need the double pain. The betrayal you can't take back.

I know I am an idiot for writing all of this, I am tempting fate some might say, but I am not worried, it takes money to Cheat, and time, neither of which my hubs has, but I will still knock on wood.

Sorry for the messy rant, I just let it fly, and didn't pick up the pieces.

MoJo

I have lost my MoJo, I don't know where and I don't know how, I just wanna say screw it.

So....SCREW IT!!!

My dinner...Sorry no photo.

I loved my dinner so much, I ate it too fast to take a photo of it, I made a change up, instead of a salad on a plate, it was more like a salad in a sandwich. It was really yummy. I had my major protein, fat, and dairy in this sandwich, which I am sure why it was so good.

I toasted two pieces of whole wheat bread, used about a teaspoon of olive oil mayo, (which by the way, is really good, and so worth getting, it is great in salads, in dressings, all sorts of things, and less fat than normal mayo). I also added a bunch of mustard, and a few shakes of hot sauce. I heated up four thin slices of ham, added two (also thin) slices of mozzarella cheese, with some sliced hard boiled eggs.  I told you this had all my fat and protein for the day. I then topped it all off with salad greens, tomato slices and fresh squeezed lime juice.

It was heaven. I loved every bite. I know I am about to have a fantastic visit from my favorite family member any day now, my always reliable Aunt Flo, so I need the extra Iron. Go Protein!!

I am going to be honest, I did cave and ate some cake yesterday, I had it left over from my son's birthday on tuesday, which I did really well with considering it is me, and I love cake and ice cream, who really doesn't? Maybe someone completely lactose intolerant, which I am not, so get out of my way and let me get my dairy on. But really I had maybe a 1/4 cup of the stuff, which is way better than my cereal bowl full serving. But since I frosted the cake, and we all know that would take way too much will power to not lick a finger or two, I skipped frosting with my piece with the family. 

But yesterday, I was at my whits end, naughty babies, snarky teenagers, and too much housework, pushed me over the edge. So I decided to let go of that strangling will power and ate a nice big piece of yummy, lovely chocolate cake with lots of frosting and candy. And I have to say, damn, I make an awesome cake. All sorts of stress just melted away. But that isn't the type of eating I condone, but sometimes you got to let go, you can only have so much will power.

I always mess with the box cake, I leave out the oil, add yogurt, this time I used light red velvet cake flavor, and I used one less egg, but I knew I was going to be building it up, so I added just two tablespoons of oil, to help make it firmer. But to counter act the yogurt taste my hubs always notices, I added a touch of baking cocoa, and I think that really put it over the top, gave it a super chocolate taste, we all loved.

I am thinking that maybe I need to allow for one more additional cheat meal through out the week, at least to keep me from being all stabby when Aunt Flo shows up, for some reason that bitch makes me want to hurt people.

Day two lunch;

I hope this doesn't get boring, but hey not many read this, so I guess I don't have much to worry about. After yesterday, I wanted to post my lunch again today. Just so you can really get an idea of just what some of those big girls you make fun of actually eat. And I know most of you won't believe that I am trying, most will think I sneak fast food in the middle of the night, but nope.

I was even a bad mom today, I was out running around and I got a fast food kids meal for my two youngest, and even though the fries smelled so good, and the nuggets were nice and hot, I passed. I won't lie, I had a bit of the child size frosty, but that was the only real junk food snack I have had all week, and it is a weak, non real milk shake, and I had maybe a 1/4 cup of. I could have really gotten I baconator sandwich, with large fries and a cold dr pepper, but I passed. I instead waited until I got home and made myself a salad, sure I could have bought one there, but who knows how healthy that really is.

My salad has tomatoes, mixed greens, sliced almonds, some sunflower seeds, both nuts raw, by the way. I also topped it with a tablespoon (if that) of parmesan cheese, and yogurt, fat free dressing, with only two grams of sugar. So as I like to say lately, suck it bitches.

It also has fresh mushrooms, and if you look close the tomato was getting old, but it was still super yummy. I can tell I haven't eaten too much fat this week, because this dressing taste the best it has ever tasted. That happens once you eat better and better, your palette changes and you get used to the real taste of things. 

My lunch today.

I just loved it so much I thought I would share it with you. I was calling it ham fried rice, but it is more like a stir fry, so ham fried stir fry.

Notice the salad plate, not a full dinner plate. Also notice all the veggies. Yes there is also tomatoes and pineapple, but I realized that more people in my family have died from heart disease than from UTI's, so screw the bladder irritation.

I used a tiny bit of olive oil, and low  sodium soy sauce and a dash (well a bit more than a dash) of fish sauce. Plus a few other spices. I topped it off with some hot sauce once I was finished.

It is loaded with veggies, celery, zucchini, mushrooms, peppers, cabbage, carrots, and a bit of brown rice. It was really yummy, and full of goodness. So all of you who think that us fatty's just sit around eating McDonalds all day can see that isn't true of this one. So suck it bitches.

Doughnuts, put please don't touch.

I am realizing we don't have enough ways to get doughnuts to people. I mean really, why are we spending billions and billions of dollars getting people into space, yet nothing is being spent on getting doughnuts directly to our homes? I don't get this complete misuse of taxes. What is congress thinking?  Want my vote, get me doughnuts. Chocolate ones, Mable bars, Lemon cream filled ones, Sprinkled cake, old fashioned...I am now drooling on my keyboard.

Ok, now off of doughnuts and on to other things, which apparently should not be potty training. I guess my very small audience doesn't care who poops where. I don't blame them, who really thinks about where they need to poop, let alone where some kid in the U.S. is pooping.  

I am doing better, I realize I am just one person I can't do everything, but I do have five points I am still trying to work on, being a better mom, also a better housekeeper, getting into shape, well a better shape than I have now, apple doesn't really count, finding a creative outlet and a way too make money, not much money but some money, and lastly getting into better mental health.

So each day I find myself working a little on all five. So I am sure I seem schizophrenic to some, she says as she hands her child a bottle of glue, just to make him go away for a minute or two. Trust me, he will be fine, he can't open it, and right now, I just want him to stop touching me, really, just stop touching.

That is one thing I don't think we share with new mom's, one day you will find yourself wishing for a place you can go where touching is off limits by everyone. Maybe that is why so many mothers put sex on the back burner, I am all touched out, please if you have sex with me, just don't touch me.If you are able to do that, then go for it buddy, and let me tell you, I am sure lots of men would find a way to have sex without even touching themselves if they needed to, they would rig all sorts of pulley's and lever's, just so they can get some. I don't see not touching me as a deal breaker for most husbands.

But seriously, the touching thing has really come to head around here. Babies can't seem to talk to you unless they are grabbing you, pulling you, holding your face. ARGGGGG, just back off, please, let mommy think without the extra sensory overload.

Maybe if they held some doughnuts while trying to get my attention that would work much better.

I know what you are thinking, why does this broad who wants to get skinner talk about doughnuts so much/ Just relax, I don't eat them all the time, I maybe have them once a month, all because my tax dollars go to NASA, and the war effort, and not to doughnut delivery. 

But back to were I started, I am working on this issues a little each day, I am working out, I have a cleaning schedule, which I mostly follow, I take time for myself, even if it is just five minutes to read, I find creative things to do around the house and keep an eye out for all sorts of easy craft ideas that just might make me some money, all while spending all the awake time with the babies.

So I guess I just wanted to say I am feeling pretty happy right now, but if someone brought me some doughnuts, I would be over the moon. How is that for Irony?