Arrrrgghhhh........I hate this blogging program.
Ok second time is a charm.
So I grew up watching star wars and I have brothers, uncles, friends who were totally into them. Me, well not as much unless I thought it might give me bonus points with a guy. Anyway, I knew the jest of it. Heck I played Leia in the playground. Just don't ask me who the bounty hunter that took Han to Jabba. (Bubba or Janga?)
I even watched the next three, some even in the theater. But with this next one coming, I re-watched them with my younger boys and it got me excited to see this new one. So we forked over our hard earned money, not just once mind you, but twice. We rarely get date nights, so to spend two of them watching the same movie is not a common occurance.
Since I fell down some stairs, I had a bit of sitting around on my butt time, reading became a frequent activity, and so I spent time researching some of the questions the film left me with. So here I go with what I am theorizing, about the answers Wookiepedia couldn't give me. Spoilers coming, don't say I didn't warn ya.
So you know that trailer were Luke is talking about the force being strong in his family, "My father had it, I had it, my sister had it, and you have it." Well what if it wasn't Rey he was speaking to but Ben Solo. I mean that would fit too. Hear me out.
So Leia and Han get it on. Have a son, and they know the force is strong with him. And not wanting to repeat an Anakin situation, (oops, too late). They agree to ship him off to his weird uncle Luke's place for training. But Ben doesn't want training, like the rest of all of America he wants to be like his dad. The cool handsome guy flying around space shooting at aliens first. Staying alive without no stinking dumb force anyway, geez.
But off he goes, learning how to move rocks around on lame uncle Luke's farm, "come on little ones, if we don't get this field cleared in time we can't get those seeds planted. Use that force, move those rocks."
But Ben waits, he just knows his dad will come save him. He can just imagine them together, being chased for lost bets and giving bounty hunters the slip.
But dear old dad never comes, he is off with some big hairy animal instead of his own kid. "So fine, dad doesn't love me, mom sent me here, Luke is just weird. I'll make someone else my hero. Darth Vader, dear old grandad. Never mind he wanted to kill my mom, he is awesome, he wears black, has awesome theme music and I want to be him." So he takes off to Endor, finds grandpa's remains and starts his own club. (The creepy grandpa worshipping emotional goth club) He gets a bunch of cronies and they return to dear old uncle Luke's place just in time for harvest.
Meanwhile 20 or so years earlier, old hermet Ben, I mean Obi, gets bored watching Luke build droids, so he takes a nice slave wife, slave are everywhere in this galaxy, makes you wonder about that Lucas perv, doesn't it, hot slaves in gold bikinis even. Since the Jedi are over, he can have sex, oh I mean, love in his life. He has a family. All is doing well until he feels the dark side growing or hears Vaders theme playing, so he sends the fam away, far far away. And heads off chasing down the Skywalker he couldn't kill the first time around. Which for him ends badly. While on another planet, a daughter gets knocked up like Anakins mom did, no dad, just full with child. Explaining all the force that kick ass Rey has.
Since this universe is a small one, his granddaughter Rey, (as in a rey of light, to over come the darkness, we see what you did there) is taken to Luke's Jedi Training and Beet Farm, to learn how to move rocks, with a moody Ben Solo. She is still young and just thinks it's a fun game. Well after Ben storms off, Luke sends Rey away, she is Obi-Wan's grandkid after all, he wants to keep her safe. But he doesn't want to know where, incase someone, an evil someone, sucks it out of him. So Ben grows darker and Rey grows hungrier.
Kylo Ren and his cronies show up to the farm and take out all that are left. But he realizes that Rey is not there, so she must be out there in the universe somewhere getting thirsty and "hot".
Soon fate or Disney brings Rey and Kylo back together again, "I know you, I've danced with you, ...once upon a dream. (For you space nerds, that is from Sleeping Beauty, where a clueless princess is hidden away from the dark side, before being put into stasis and having a regular non jedi knight save her ) soon Luke and Rey are running around the galaxy chasing Kylo, after he is the universes largest douche bag wearing a mask, for killing Han. "I learned it by watching you dad, you," oh and all while a love triagle is played out, team Fin anyone?
But Kylo wins out, he becomes Ben Solo again, him and Rey get married and she is now part Skywalker so it still ends with it being a saga about those tricky Skywalkers afterall.
I am sure some won't agree with me, and I am even more sure this won't be read by anyone but the Disney lawyers, but if you do have a reason why I am way wrong just leave me a comment.
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